I have invited a number of authors, leaders and coaches who have reviewed my recently released book, A Love Story, to contribute their thoughts and ideas, and particularly those prompted by their reading of this book. Over the next few weeks they will share their insights and wisdom about the importance of building deep and loving relationships. The first contributor is Deanna Stull. She is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC), the CXO of CoachVille™, the acclaimed international coach training school founded by Thomas Leonard and a Certified Higher Ground Leadership® Pathfinder and adjunct faculty member at the Secretan Center, ranked #1 in the world as an international Leadership Consulting firm by Leadership Excellence. Her guest blog appears below:
Motivation-based management science rules most contemporary work environments. Employees feel disconnected—there is no single, inspiring dream. There are rewards for good behavior, punishments for bad behavior—black or white, right or wrong—without any sense of oneness. Most of society spends so much time in this fear-based environment that the culture of motivation informs who, and how, we are outside of work.
The paradox is that while the divorce/permanent separation rate ranges between 42%-50% percent, researchers tell us that most people long for love in their lives.
Why does this incongruity persist?
Too seldom do we ask if our relationships are inspiring. We fail to look for a sense of oneness. We are not courageous in love. Instead, we reside in the fear-based, small thinking we’ve brought home from work, and transfer it into our love life. We reward our partners with love when they are giving, and we withdraw love and affection when we do not receive what we want—a replica of the outdated corporate, motivational model.
We take motivation and fear home, to our spouses, our partners, and our love interests, and mistakenly believe that love will flourish. We speak of working on our relationships; we advise others to be careful, not to fall in love too fast, and we put many parameters on the definitions and boundaries of relationships. In this environment of caution, fear and adversity we turn to movies, television and fictional literature and fairytale love stories. Yet we continue to yearn for real love that is unconditional and deep, while never believing that it could be possible in our lives.
Everyone hopes for true, deep love, and that it exists and is attainable for all—we long for epic love. Yet, research among couples shows that too many find their love relationship uninspiring. A Love Story is a superbly presented, beautifully written reminder for us all of this important truth: love, in its most pure and courageous form can exist for us all.