I’m wrestling with a dilemma.
I am a life-long hugger. I hug just about everyone that I know because I genuinely love people and I want them to know this, and I deeply believe right down to my core that we need more love and appreciation in our lives. I feel that too many of us are either too wounded, too emotionally insecure or too immature to express love for others – especially in our workplaces.
The ancient Greeks had six different words to describe various kinds of love. One of them was “philia” which they used to describe deep friendship. A second was “agape” which they used to describe a love for everyone. It is philia and agape that I intend when I hug a friend or let a colleague know that I love them. Nearly every coaching client with whom I work – all senior executives in major organizations – end our coaching calls with “I love you” – and I am so grateful for that.
But the “me too” movement and the scary news about harassment that has been dominating the headlines for a while has me wondering….am I out of line? Have we come to a time in society where we must refrain from expressing our friendship and love for others in order to be safe from accusations?
Don’t misunderstand me – I am appalled by the egregious behavior of powerful people who have taken advantage of others – and I am thrilled that the world has finally awakened to this issue, courageous people are stepping forward, and change is happening. But surely there should be a distinction between a compassionate person – Mother Teresa say – hugging a child in pain, and a predator?
Teams that love what they do, love the reason for doing it and love each other, create some of the finest organizations in the world. When they make breakthroughs, achieve great successes, or attain milestones – they celebrate – and they hug!
How will we as responsible, professional, well-intentioned people ensure that we continue to pour as much love into the world as we can without these gestures being misinterpreted? It would be tragic if this new-found awareness and rejection of predatory behavior leads us to invest less love in the world – especially the workplace – instead of more, which we so desperately need in these troubled times?
Your views?
Dear Lance, Thank you for your bravery. I am sure many folks are thinking about when or if they have said or done something offensive or inappropriate without intent. I am even second guessing my own behavior and I am a black female who has experienced harassment, violence, and discrimination. I also pray that we don’t become so self-protectionist that we stop loving, caring and feeling comfortable expressing our love for others. I am a HUGE hugger!!!!! Keep hugging. It is important to be sensitive to how it may make some uncomfortable or how it could be misinterpreted, but I think good intentions are followed with good results.
Oh yes I have hugged thousands of people and stroked their hair (in jest and envy because I don’t have any, and I’ve often asked if they’d share some of theirs with me!) and now I wonder………….I want to follow your advice….but safely!
Wonderful stuff … AND I go for the positive vision/version, “Let’s Remember That We All Yearn for More Love in Our Lives”