Love
Paula Rosario is a marketing executive with an international research and promotion company in New York City. In recent years, she developed an interest in coaching and applied her coaching skills and passion for inspiring others with several of her staff members, focusing on such issues as communication, leadership, and self-management. She soon discovered how the ego can get in the way of heart-to-heart communication when we allow ourselves to be swayed by personal judgments of others—in other words, when we do not love them.
Paula found one of her staff members to be particularly challenging to work with because of the perceived level of ego she encountered. Paula didn’t approve of her values and opinions, and she was disappointed at being unable to feel genuine fondness towards her. But she knew that she could not be an effective leader and coach unless she could successfully look beyond the personality and communicate with this person at a deeper level.
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." – Carl Jung
Paula decided that, during the next coaching session, she would turn down the sounds of her ego-mind and try to connect with this person at the heart level.
"I knew that, deep inside, people are more the same than they are different," says Paula, "and I made a conscious effort to find this place of oneness in our relationship."
That is when a transformation occurred. The invisible tension between the two of them seemed to evaporate, only to return temporarily whenever Paula’s thinking was turned toward judgment, rather than understanding and compassion. It was a dance—whenever Paula moved forward with judgment, the new team member moved back; when Paula approached her with openness, she moved forward.
From this, Paula realized that she needed to put aside her preconceived ideas of this person and interact from a place of loving non-judgment. She had to walk in the other person’s shoes.
"As I did this," remembers Paula, "my compassion for her grew immensely, and I was able to offer suggestions for alternative behavior and actions in a compassionate way."
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." – Mother Teresa
Paula also decided to include the new team member in plans for the department. As she shared her thoughts and visions on projects with her, the doors of creative communication began to open, and the individual became more receptive to Paula and to the thoughts and opinions of others. Possibilities became realities. The enhanced communication began to build trust, and trust began to build respect.
Soon, the new team member became more positive in her expressions and openly shared with Paula how she was making progress in her personal life as well.
As Paula observed the individual becoming more involved and committed in her work, she herself experienced a profound healing that she carries with her to this day. It is a reminder to her that when we relate with others in a loving way, from the heart, it helps us to recognize oneness over separateness and put aside all external differences—they simply become irrelevant—and our hearts can open.
"After the verb’to love,’ the verb’to help’ is the most beautiful verb in the world." – Bertha von Suttner
We can all learn from Paula’s experience. We don’t have to like someone to love them, but as conscious leaders, we must strive to see the sacredness in others— that which inspires us to look beyond the personality and ego—beyond the warrior or bully-leader archetype, and into the soul of the other person. When we do this, our natural objective is to increase their well-being. We want to help and serve them in every way we can.
January 16th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Thank you for the reminder, and for sharing your vision. I was first awakened to the Higher Self, and the destruction that the ego causes when reading Inspire! over one year ago. It has been a wonderful journey since.
January 16th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
Thank you so much for this focus on love today: I feel one needs to be mature and also informed of your approach to oneness in love in the corporate world. I had a few experiences years ago which I feel I could have handled in a different way, provided I knew this focus on empathy and on the sacredness of a colleague or supervisor. It is much more rewarding keep harmony instead of conflict. Even if we have to give up temporarily our viewpoints in one or another subject, if we have this focus on harmony and love, we build trust and understanding in our working field. Thank you once again, also for your beautiful book “Inspire!”
January 16th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
This lays a finger on the throbbing pulse of what human life is meant to be at its fullest and finest.
January 16th, 2006 at 9:14 pm
Having taught for the last 20 years of my life, children ages 6 -13, I am blessed to be surrounded by and able to give unconditional love without fear. Somehow the word “love” has been bastardized into something tentative and dangerous, and most of my collegues avoid the use of the word and often its practice – all of us are poorer as a result.
Thank you for your reminder that I am not alone in the world of adults, and that love can be spoken and lived in that world as well. The message comes when we need it most.
Namaste indeed
January 17th, 2006 at 9:26 am
I was touched by the beauty of the Paula Rosario story. It occurs to me that if I lived this example more consistently, I might not have to re-learn the lesson so often.
Namaste times 2